I decided a while ago that I want my kids and husband to know me as a joyful person. Overall, I’d say I’m a happy person, but I wanted to be genuinely joyful, even on hard days. I’m still working myself on these practices but they have really impacted my perspective on life and I hope they do the same for you.
1. Know God and study His Word
It’s no secret I am a follower of Jesus. I stand by God’s Word, and believe it is the best and only way to live. God is the supplier of eternal joy, and knowing Him is the greatest gift ever given and received. God sent His son Jesus to pay the ultimate price of dying on a cross to save our sins so that we can live a life full of grace and peace instead of turmoil. This price did not guarantee us an easy life, and sometimes God asks us to do difficult and hard things. But there is nothing in the world that will bring more joy than committing your life to Christ. To be fully known and LOVED by Him is my greatest treasure.
When you choose to follow Christ, it’s imperative you are in His word daily. And honestly, I am constantly working on this. Right when I find myself getting into a good routine with my quiet times, life gets busy and loud and l lose my routine. Our mornings start early with Mason, almost always before 6am. We are usually conquering breakfast, play-dough and cars even before my first cup of coffee is done. I’m not making excuses, I’m just being honest. For me, my quiet times only happen if I intentionally make them happen. Sometimes it means having reading time with Mason (which lasts five minutes) or it’s making the most of a nap overlap for 15 minutes. Anything and everything counts! I can truly tell the difference between the days I spend intentional time with God and the days I don’t. My patience with the boys is greater, I have more joy, and my heart is more at peace. Even if you don’t know God, I encourage you to open a Bible. I recommend starting with the book of Romans.
2. Choose Gratitude
You have two choices when viewing life. You can always be desperate for more, or you can focus on how much you actually have. There is always something to be grateful for, even in the most difficult of seasons. When we choose to be grateful, joy and contentment come effortless. The angst of not having what we want begins to fade without us even realizing it. It’s so easy to see what other people have, or how they live, and want and covet it. And yet, if you were given those things, I guarantee your heart would just want even more. We have to stop comparing our lives with others, and focus on the life we’ve been given.
I remember going overseas to visit a third world country and coming home so grateful. I told my dad this, and he corrected my heart and said, “It shouldn’t take seeing someone else’s lack to make your heart grateful.” It’s been almost ten years since he’s told me that and it’s something I’ll never forget. We shouldn’t compare our lives with others for what we WANT, and we shouldn’t compare our lives with others for what we DON’T want. It’s a choice to choose gratitude each and everyday, regardless of anyone else’s circumstances. This doesn’t mean we aren’t meant to be generous and aware. It’s quite the contrary. The more grateful you are, usually the more generous you become. I promise if you commit for one week – every morning or night – to write down five things you are thankful for, your outlook will drastically shift.
3. Minimize Unrealistic Expectations
Social media has created a world that seems idealistic and perfect. Each day, we see a clean, perfectly decorated house, a blogger in the perfect outfit, or the perfect travel pic. These are people’s highlight reels. Are they bad? Of course not! I will be the first to admit I love the instagram posts and sharing the fun aspects of life. But that’s not what the everyday grind of daily life looks like. I’ve found, that I become overcome with frustration that my days don’t look like my Instagram feed. But whose does? If you were to come over to my house unannounced, I’d probably be in sweats (or maybe even still my pajamas), my house would have toys everywhere, and I would probably be knee deep building trains with my boys. I’ve just recently realized where this built up stress in me was coming from. I had unrealistic expectations of having the “perfect reel” be my everyday life. And when I realized it, and became comfortable with my “real life” – life simply became more fun. Life became more about making memories, and loving my family well. I love a clean house, but with two young boys it’s fairly unrealistic to have a perfectly tidy house all day long. So instead, I straighten the house every night after the boys go to sleep. It brings me joy to rest in the evenings with everything in its place, but I no longer let the desperate need of it dictate the kind of day I am going to have. Maybe for you, you could care less if your house is clean, but you seek a different category of the “perfect”. I’d encourage you to find what your unrealistic expectation is and let it go. Then embrace real life and enjoy it.
4. Simplify
Less clutter = less stress. Even if we are able to, we don’t need to have everything. You have to decide how much stuff is right for you and your family – but generally the more stuff you have, usually the more stress you have. I purge our home many times a year (I have a bit of an unhealthy love of it haha) to make sure we never have an overwhelming amount of things. It’s so refreshing and brings pure joy to continue to simplify.
But simplifying relates to everything, not just stuff. Are you involved in too many activities that it doesn’t allow you to rest and recharge? Is your family time just a blur of moving from one thing to the next? We have to be aware of how busy our lives are and when we need to take a step back. This concept goes against the norm. The social norm now is extreme busyness. Taking a step back and saying no to things is often the healthiest thing you can do for your family, but you will most likely not be praised standing firm in the this decision.
5. You Do You
Find something that genuinely brings you joy. This can be anything. Don’t be ashamed of it, and don’t apologize for doing it. It’s HEALTHY to do things that bring us joy. God smiles on it. For me, I love to get my nails done and do yoga. Yoga is a recharge for me. It feels good to get my body moving and sweat out any overwhelming feelings or stress and focus on my inner strength to push harder. And then on the flip side, getting my nails done is a time to relax for me. It’s my time for me to unplug from responsibilities and kids and decompress. And even if I’m rocking leggings 3 days in a row, I still feel put together because my nails are done! So find what you love and make time for it. Give yourself permission to make this a priority.
photos by Jessica Susana
Afroza says
Wow!! This is amazing!!! I love this soo much!! I remember when I first saw your IG page and think to myself like “wow she’s awesome!” Then to find out you’re also a follower of Jesus!! I was so happy because only God can do that!! God bless you and your family so much❤️
April Buben says
Hi Rachel,
I’ve followed you and Zach since the amazing race and I’m so glad I have! We’re about the same age and it’s been cool seeing you go through the same life changes as I have just a year or two ahead of me haha 🙂 Your blog about how you find joy brought me to tears. I’m a fairly stressed out person and hit a breaking point last night. My husband reminded me how important it is to spend time in His word. And your blog reminded me too. I’m also a Jesus follower and it’s crazy how easy it is to lose sight of what really brings you joy, and that’s Him! Especially with a busy schedule. I’m wanting to make some changes to where I have a more positive and healthy look on my day. I’m also going to think about the things I’m thankful for each night and have my husband do it too 🙂 I signed up for your blog posts because your thoughts have really spoken to me and I’m glad to know another person who points their reason for happiness to Jesus 🙂
Sincerely,
April Buben (that’s my married last name but I also go by my maiden name April Borchelt for my art career on social media)
Hannah says
Thank you for talking about real issues that people struggle with. I was struggling with depression since many years and after reading this i have a little more peace of mind than i had few minutes back. Today’s internet is filled with unrealistic stuff making people like me feel less. Please keep posting positive and motivating messages addressing real issues we face 🙂
Janine Caraballo says
To have this wisdom as such a young mom is a blessing! Thank you for sharing! My kids are now adults (2 biological, 1 adopted with special needs so I am especially touched by your story with Mason!), and my only regret is I wish I was more “relaxed” when they were young. I am looking forward to redeeming that time with grandchildren someday!
Cheryl-Ann says
It is so awesome that you are a follower Jesus. I am a born again Christian and to read your post was inspiring. Thank you.