I received a question recently that I wanted to address in a blog post because I think it’s a common struggle for everyone. Someone asked, “How did you become confident in being yourself, and how do you have less insecurities? When I read this I felt flattered someone thinks I have the answers to these, but truthfully I don’t. I still struggle with insecurities and being confident, but I have come a long way and am learning to really love who I am. My hope is that in sharing how I strive to be more confident in who God has made me to be, it would encourage you.
A few years back I was incredibly insecure. I feared nobody liked me- not even those who regularly told me they loved me, like friends and family. As I got older, I realized that that this fear was preventing me from fully being who God created me to be. My insecurities were robbing me of the joy that comes from fellowship with others, and I was spending more time caring what other people thought than what God thought.
We all struggle with insecurities, and I would argue that everyone at some point cares a little too much what other people think of them. You see, while you are concerned with what others think of you, they are concerned with what you think of them. We are wasting energy, myself included, worrying about what other people think, when they aren’t even thinking about us at all, because they are worrying about themselves. When we let go of what others’ opinions are of us, we find a newfound freedom to fully live. I still struggle with insecurities, but I’ve tapped into that freedom in the last decade and can say wholeheartedly that it is liberating. For me, I was able to find that freedom when I went back to where my identity lies. Now, I daily remind myself of God’s truth to keep my heart in check.
One of my main areas of insecurities is outward appearance. So when they attack, I go back to God’s truth. I remind myself that I was created in His image and God does not make mistakes. When we focus our identity in Him, the lies of the world and how we are suppose to look slowly disappear. We are able to recognize that looking different isn’t actually a bad thing, it’s what makes us all beautifully unique. We have to speak truth over ourselves. In addition to speaking positive about ourselves, we have to speak positive about others. It’s time we stop putting each other down. This goes for everyone, but especially women. We are ALL beautiful, we are ALL special, and we should CELEBRATE each other. We judge each other because we are jealous, but if we focus on the gifts and great things God has placed in us, we won’t need to pick a part other people to make ourselves feel good.
Another truth I remind myself is that my accomplishments don’t define me. When we focus on our “resume” and find our confidence in that, we never fully measure up. I use to be embarrassed when people asked what I did, because I always felt like I didn’t have an adequate answer. I wasn’t doing enough. But that is a lie from the devil. Unless you’re actually doing nothing, and laying on your couch all day, you should be confident in wherever God has you for this season. For me, in this season of life, it’s being a stay at home mom, and if I’m being honest at times, I still doubt if that is enough. I find myself thinking I should be “more successful.” Those thoughts, however, are just doubts in why God has me where I am. Why is that I’m quicker to believe that I’m not good or capable enough for Him to use me in “big” ways, versus choosing to believe that there is a specific purpose and timing for why He has me right where I am? I’m learning, that to be the best version of myself, I have to start with faith in God’s greater purpose for my life.
Learning to love yourself takes time. I’m still learning how to be fully confident in who I am and I know I will continue to have days of self-doubt and discontentment. Thank goodness for God’s grace and new mercies each morning. I’ve seen the change in my life when I focus on who God has made me to be and how much freedom there is in it. I hope you are able to experience that as well.